Two Time Tom, The Toe Jam Kid
tip toes out through the bedroom door.
Down he goes to get himself a bite
which should sate him for the rest of the night.
 The Toe Jam Kid isn't fond of the bath
with a neck on 'em like a well trodden path-
not for want of trying by his Mum-
he really is a shack arsed bum.
Low and behold a girl enters his life-
he cleans himself up like a fine polished knife.
The affair lasts a year and a day
which at least keeps the pong of toe jam at bay,
but as soon as he finds himself on his tod-
no more attention is paid to his bod.

So now there's not a chance of him ever finding a date-
some believe he's left it too late.
Being down on his luck, and smelling like shite,
he decides to top himself, late one night.
Out he ventures to the bridge near his home
and feeling oh so terribly alone-
he swan dives off to the murky brine below
and hits the water with one unmerciful blow.
As he sinks down, nearing a dark icy grave
he changes his mind and decides to save-
a half lived life with dreams not fulfilled-
it was the old life of squalor that had to be killed.
So Two Time Tom cleans up his act-
and sure smelling like roses he's bound to attract-
a girl who will share his hope and dream:
to live life to the full and stay... modestly clean.

Mail boat

The Ferry from the North Wall to England
Cones of Walls Ice Cream and new Hawaiian swimming trunks to the knee,
Dive off the top rung of the slide into Rowntrees Outdoor swimming pool of
a Summers Day.
It's as magic as the edge of darkness or fog coming off the Ouse.